Does True Friendship Exist?

Over the last few years of my life, I have been blessed to have made a few lasting friendships, most of which are with women that are older than I am. Women that God placed in my life to help me when I needed good counsel, that supported me based on their own life experiences, and boy am I grateful that He placed them in my life. As I sit and ponder, I am thinking, does true friendship exist or does God, as mentioned above, position people in our lives for us to help them or for them to help us?

I have made many acquaintances that I hoped would join me in many more seasons of my life, but that was not the intentions God had in mind. As I write, the question, am I a good friend, is bombarding my mind, and if so, why am I not able to maintain a relationship with some individuals that can last a lifetime?

 For what it is worth, I do consider myself a good friend based on the qualities I believe a good friend possesses.

The qualities I believe a good friend possesses are:

1. Someone who leads you to hunger for the Lord.
2. Someone who understands that the will of God supersedes your will and theirs.
3. Someone with the potential to place others above themselves.
4. Someone who is honest, telling you the truth in love.
5. Someone who is willing to lend a listening ear.
6. Someone who encourages you when you are struggling.
7. Someone who prays for you.
8. Someone who is loyal.
9. Someone who is a peacemaker.
10. Someone who forgives.

The truth is, no matter what friendship qualities we possess; we do not have the capacity to entertain or maintain some friendships during certain seasons of our lives. There will be times in our lives, when we have no choice but to bunker down with those who have proven themselves worthy of watching us endure whatever we are facing, as they cheer us on with genuine care, reminding us of the bridges we were able to cross and reassuring us, we will cross over again. Not all friends can be involved in the intimate and sensitive moments of our lives, and we cannot be involved in the intimate details of their lives either.

As individuals, we are not all on the same level of maturity, and there are some experiences some individuals will not be able to offer assistance in because of lack of experience or their beliefs which we are all entitled to.

On another note, we also need the opinions of others sometimes, as our understanding of a situation/season can be limited because of our own lack of experience and level of maturity. Therefore, our understanding needs to be enlightened. Also, some friendships are not God’s will for us. Sometimes what binds a friendship is not of God or a friendship had its origin in a place you have outgrown and to continue to invest in the friendship would be choosing to be stagnant and to not grow as an individual. When we find ourselves in friendships like this, we can choose to give of ourselves, not looking for anything in return or coexist in an environment that can stunt our development. I am not writing anyone off. People do change and grow the way I am growing and changing, and we all know the Holy Spirit works wonders in the hearts that invite Him in. So some people will walk with us again on this journey called life.

When we put children, our spouses and immediate family (Family is not always blood-related) in the mix of what constitutes the norms of our lives, we are needed in so many areas in which the investment is more practical and common sense. We must choose to build on the relationships that will last for a lifetime. Having two many connections in all seasons, I believe, wears us thin, and we are not able to give anything substantial to anyone in our lives.

As I think more on friendships, some key areas are coming to mind.

 There are different types of friendships; even Jesus had an inner circle.

Now to the question that prompted my reflection does true friendship exist? My answer is yes, true friendship does exist, but there are different types of true friendships. I see friendships like the climbing of stairs, and not everyone can climb to the top of your stairs of life with you. It does not mean they are not your friends or your friendships is not true; it is just that you are all at different places on life’s journey. At times, you will find that a person that is lower on your flight of stairs will need you to share your experiences to help them navigate a season in their life. People who are more experienced and have climbed closer to the top will give you support if it is God’s will.

In life, we must learn the difference between a friend and an acquaintance.

You cannot cast your pearls before swine. Many times people hurt unnecessarily because they pour out the contents of their hearts to a person who is just passing by and not meant to be on their journey. The person cannot respond as they would like because there is no bond. There was no initial investment in their lives. There is nothing prompting them to care. However, some people have experienced how harsh life can be and will take the time without shared history to water a hurting soul. As we grow and change, learning the difference between a friend and an acquaintance is crucial to avoiding misunderstandings and unnecessary hurt and pain.

Friendships with older and younger women

I have some friends that are my age or younger than I am but the majority of my friends are older. I have realized that when God allows my path to cross with an individual that is younger than I am, I am at times compelled to share my experiences to help them navigate life, the way older women are helping me. Let us keep in mind that at any stage in our lives, we can learn from people who are younger or older as our experiences are all different. Some people are overly mature for their age while others are immature for their age. What we should keep in mind is that there is no perfect life and whenever we can reach out to someone young or old we should.

Life changes the dynamics of friendships.

At times we want to treat friendships we had in the past like they were back then. I have friendships that were established in my childhood years, and no matter the distance between us, or how often we speak, it is like we are never apart. On the flip side, we need to understand that life happens and sometimes the person we knew in the past is a new person for good or even bad. When we reenter these relationship after years of being apart, we must be very aware and believe what is being shown to us through the individual’s actions. More than ever be patient, observing and following your intuition. Do not stick your head in the ground like an ostrich; believe what you are seeing in someone’s actions. Let us hope that the person they were in the past, they are similar to, but if they are not who they were then protect your heart. It is at times hard to believe what life has done, but the faster we learn, the better it is for everyone involved.

Your family your friend 

In life, some of us are blessed to have family members that are genuine towards us and will ultimately look out for our best interest no matter what. There are no perfect families, and all families will have disagreements from time to time. The difference in a family that looks out for each other is the ability to set aside differences for the greater good of unity. It is the ability to agree or disagree respectfully.

Some families are unable to respect each other’s opinions, and so the culture in the family is toxic. In some families, there is a history of unforgiveness that spans generations. The younger members come along and without understanding or unbiased insights automatically take a side, leading to the continuation of a broken family. A family in which it is every man for himself, which the enemy does not mind because he knows their is strength in unity. I will say that if you find yourself in such a family, pray for wisdom and understanding to navigate your familial relationships. You cannot mend the broken gaps spanning over generations, but God can. God will also grant you peace to live your life, understanding that there are things we just cannot change. For a relationship to be functional, all parties involved must strive towards the greater good.

Jesus stays for all seasons.

Jesus is the best friend you can have. He will never leave us nor forsakes us. At our lowest, He does not leave us. Whatever situations we are faced with, no matter how bad it is. He is a friend that will ride out the storm to the very end with you. Isn’t this a friendship to invest in? God made us, and knows what He created us for. He is omnipresent, omniscient, omnipotent and yet He loves us so much. We have nothing to lose when we make Him our friend.

In Psalm 139:8 David says” If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.”

Loving and caring, even if not for long-term. 

As Christians, we are called to love our neighbours. In life, you will find many opportunities to love and care for individuals without anything in return. God will place them in your life for a season, and we must follow the leading of the Holy Spirit to understand when these seasons have ended to prevent hurt. Having someone in a season in your life in which they do not belong or being in a season in their life in which you do not belong can undo every good thing that was ever done.

How do you see friendship?

Do you have a friend that you have known for most of your life?

What advice would you give to your children on forming a healthy friendship?

Please comment below because life is better shared.