The baby is crying over her collection of cheese-less, soggy crackers.
The first set of laundry and the second set are piled, and here I am adding the third set to the accumulated mountain of clothes.
One twin needs materials to create her new art inspiration.
The next twin is asking for a specific snack.
My son wants to talk about his day at school.
My mental list of things I wanted to do is reminding me I did not meet my goals for the day.
Being a mom is round-the-clock mental work!
I have been a mom for 18 years!
That might seem like a very long time, but it does not feel that way. Over the years of parenting, I have learned so much about myself, my children and God as my Heavenly Father.
One thing that I have learned to be true about parenting my four children is that no two children are alike, and as Christian parents, we will need to partner with God because He alone has the blueprint for the hearts of our little ones.
Two real emotions that come with being a mother, no matter how seasoned you are, are mom guilt and self-doubt. A lot of doubt trying to figure out how to do things right and a lot of guilt when you think you have not done something right.
While we are doing our best, we fight with the ideas we have in our heads of what our parenting journey should be like.
Our parenting journey usually differs from what we see on the TV, posters and the ideas of other moms we have pieced together in our minds.
We start asking ourselves questions like, “Why can’t I figure this parenting thing out?”
“Am I doing my children emotional harm when I don’t have answers right away or if I feel like I am not functional in an area?”
“Am I making the right choices when faced with tough decisions?”
“Am I teaching them skills that will help them in the future?”
“Am I being a Godly mother teaching them to love and place God above all things?”
“Is my life a life marked by obedience to God so that they, too, can learn to be obedient to God?”
“Am I teaching them how to prioritize the important things in life when I express myself?”
“What character traits are they seeing in me that they will imitate?”
Friend, the idea of what parenting should look like that we have in our heads is causing a lot of guilt, self-doubt and ultimately, a feeling of being overwhelmed and a failure as a mother.
Our culture has painted what a mother should be without ever showing the real struggles that come with the rewarding yet challenging role of being a parent.
What we see on the Tv on posters on a social feed is not the entire picture of motherhood or family life. Real parenting/motherhood is messy; human nature is messy. We do not always have it together. Real life, real motherhood, real family life is hard work.
Friend, let me remind you of five things I wish I was told when I became a mother and five things I often remind myself of on this parenting journey.
You are doing the best you can, and you are the right parent for your children.
Friend, God is all-knowing, and He made no mistake when He chose you to be the mother of your child/children. What your child/children need is in you. God knew what your child would need in a mother and chose you. Do we always have answers on the parenting journey to every situation faced right away? No, we do not, but we have been given the powerful weapon of prayer to talk to God about anything pertaining to our children. There is no situation too insignificant to consider bringing to God. Friend, He wants us to partner with Him on this parenting journey, and He will show us His will. He will show you how to handle each and every interaction you will have with your child/children. No matter how many years you have been a mom, parenting is not a one cap fits all journey, so don’t see your parenting journey as levels to be conquered but as a walk to learn to trust God. Learn about your child and yourself. Remind yourself daily that God does not make mistakes, and He chose you.
Tomorrow is a new day; you can always start over working at becoming a better parent as you learn on the journey.
What I love about my God is that He is so merciful, and His mercies are new every morning. God knew we would need grace upon grace to go through this life! Friend, no matter how much you learn, how much you read, or who you speak with, you will never do everything right. You will have days where everything about your choices will be questioned, and that’s by those around you and also yourself. I have had days when I felt like I really suck as a mom but friend, I have learned that I can always start over. For years I was my worst critic, and I refused to give myself the grace needed every day on this parenting journey. There are no perfect people in this world, and that is why I am so confident when I say there are no perfect parents. Friend, real life is messy. Interacting with people in a fallen world is messy. We are all born in sin and shaped in iniquity, so the sooner we get over the idea in our head of being perfect parents, the better it will be for all involved. Change course when it is obvious you need to, apologize when you need to, and trust God to walk you through this journey. Aim to be a better version of yourself each day, and remember only Jesus is perfect. You need grace, and you will always need grace. Be gentle with yourself.
You are not alone! On this journey called motherhood, you are not alone.
Your loving father is with you every step of the way. He knows your heart desires. He knows all your concerns. He wants us to partner with Him to carry out this very important role of motherhood. Friend, there are times on my parenting journey I try to take matters into my own hands and quickly learn that I cannot be a mother to my children without seeking the one who made me a parent in the first place. You know, at times, as parents, we tend to want to project our ideas of what we believe our children should be on them, never considering the plans of God that must stand over their lives because He created them with a specific purpose in mind. Friend, God has not left you, and He never will! That’s a promise! Seek Him in all things and listen when He instructs your heart. When things get difficult, seek Him. When things get rough, seek Him. Seek out what He is saying to you. Sometimes we need to be still so that He can instruct our hearts.
Seasons change. Live through each season and make the most of it.
Being a SAHM is rewarding but also comes with challenges. I get to experience so many milestones in the lives of my children. But finding time for myself when looking after four children can be a bit tricky. I am a person who enjoys reading, writing, learning new skills and creating, all of which require quiet and focus. On my parenting journey, there are days that I feel frustrated because I can never get to do any of those things. Or should I say, any of those things, with the understanding of my ability, still focused on what I could do before having four children to care for? Sometimes I ask God, “How am I to use these gifts you have given me?” “I know they are from you because the desires are so strong.” “They just won’t die.” I prayed to God and asked Him to help me to find the balance that would work for me. A secret formula that, when applied, I would be a super mom, wife and woman. It did not go that way! In my season of asking, One twin got sick. The other twin was sick the following week, and then they were both sick. My husband and I spent literal months nursing them back to health with countless visits to the doctor. All this with a newborn in the mix and eventually nursing each other back to health. It was a trying season, but I learned after being frustrated and wondering why God allowed this season to go on for so long that just like in nature, where there are seasons and a time for everything, the same principle applies to our lives. When things are changing in your life, friend asses to see if your season is changing and rest in the trusting arms of God. The good thing is that if He has us in a season of rest, there is nothing you or I can do to Change His plans for our lives. Go at a slower pace, and do the things you love in different ways. I like a physical copy of any book I am reading, but in this season, Audible is a lifesaver. When your children are sleeping, spend an hour or two working on something for you. Some moms are able to work around their children at times. I have tried this too, but I am a person that works well with fewer distractions, and my twins are now at a place where they are wondering if being twins is really as great as it is painted out to be, hence demanding more of my attention. The rough, demanding season you are in, friend, will change. You remember night must give way to day. Winter must yield to spring and eventually summer. The cycle goes on. Friend, live where you are and ask God for wisdom to understand times and seasons so that you can make the most of where you are. Remember, when God is in control, there is no such thing as falling behind.
Take some time for yourself.
How do you take time for yourself when you have so many demands and responsibilities as a wife and mom?
This is something I am still trying to figure out, but I can’t state enough how important it is to take some time for you because you will reach the end of yourself! Yes, burnout is real.
Some things I am doing for myself are:
- Doing things I love, like reading when the children go off to sleep.
- Listening to a podcast
- Taking a longer shower
- Buying something that I like, most times, a new book
- Spending time with God
- Looking after my mental and spiritual health by journaling or talking to someone I trust who will give me spiritual advice about what I feel on any given day.
- Spending time with the people I love
I try to spend some time with God every day because being a godly wife, mom, sister, and friend requires supernatural strength. I seek God’s wisdom about any or everything.
How are you ensuring you are getting some time for yourself as a busy wife and mom?
I hope these words encourage you on your parenting journey.
You know I love hearing from you. Feel free to send me a message at any time.
I am thinking out loud because life is better shared.
Kimberlee
